Finally!!!

So finally after some very long frustrating years of dedicated loyalty to the evil empire formally known as Sprint, I became aware that my contract will be up as of January 25, 2008! That just so happens to be my daughter Molly's birthday! So not only will my family celebrate the glorious birth of my daughter but also the wonderful event of my transfer and activation of my iPhone! Yes, thats correct! I am kicking Sprint to the curb and jumping on the best cellular phone band wagon there has ever been! Of course, it is really sad that this miraculous date comes after my return from Japan, of which I could desperately make use of my new iPhone, but I am trying to keep the faith and remain strong! I can do it, I am telling myself! Only 51 days remaining. Who will count down the days with me?

Its Potty Time!!

I can't believe it! My prayer has finally been answered! My daughter Molly has been struggling for months now to go stinky in the potty. She has been very good at going #1 but finally after numerous accidents and frustrating moments, she, on her own accord went to the potty and went #2! !!! Hooray!!!!

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Speed of my life.

I haven't written anything of consequence in quite some time and
I'm not quite sure why that it is exactly but one thing I do know is it is
not because of lack of consequential things going on in my life.

I love music. I have a passion for music that is unmatched and
unrivaled in every single person I know, and thats what has been part
of the difficulty of my journey so far. I live in a town where lots of
people say they love music, but in fact they really don't, they mostly
love making money off of music or the commercial success that music can
bring. A lot can happen to a person when their name gets plastered on
every magazine cover and newspaper ad across the country. Reality,
which used to seem true and real suddenly isn't so true and isn't so
real anymore! It's funny cause I've spent the last 15 years of my
life, whether I knew it or not, studying all of this that is going on
around me, and my reality, or sometimes the lack there of have struck
me with an intense pain of passion that I have yet to find a match in
anyone I have ever encountered!

None of this is probably making any sense to some of you who do not
really know me but I'll try to get to the point here soon. I grew up
in a what many people would consider a great home. I have a loving
mother who protected me and cared for me and raised me to the best of
her ability, and a step father who came into the picture and really
provided me with the best education I have ever received from anywhere
and anyone! I don't have a relationship with my father and I most
likely never will. From my earliest memories that I have, I remember
loving music! I remember making tapes off of the radio and remember
trying to learn how to play the songs I love so much. My mom made sure
that I grew up in church and was always there anytime the doors were
open. I have various opinions about that, but one thing happened to me
the first time I heard music that wasn't allowed in my house or
church. Something struck a chord inside of me that resinated and
reverberated and hasn't stopped to this day! I heard something in that
music that seemed real and authentic and pure and full of passion and
compared to everything else I was listening to was just better. That
record was Tom Petty's Full Moon Fever and the song was Free Fallin'.
I was still pretty young at the time but I vividly remember everything
about that song and especially the video that dominated MTV, (which I
really wasn't allowed to watch but would spend hours during the day
while my mom was at work soaking it up). It wasn't until later when
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers came out with the "Wildflowers" record
that I understood what I was really listening to. I remember sneaking
around to buy that tape, and having my mom later get rid of it. I'm
writing about all of this because a documentary has just been released
called "Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers: Runnin' down a dream" by Peter
Bogdonovich. I had the chance to watch part of it the other day and it
is the best rockumentary that I have ever seen. It was really an
amazing experience watching because all of these memories were flooding
my brain about my childhood and connecting so many dots that I haven't
thought about before. I was almost in tears at several points as I was
listening and watching and realizing why I knew that this music was so
completely different than the stuff I was forced fed. Its funny though
now to think back and realize all this because it helps me understand
why I am so different and why things just don't fit in my life the way
the "normal" world tries to make things fit for everyone else. I was
telling my wife about all of this and telling her that I connect so
well to the Heartbreaker's music because it has seemed that throughout
their journey of producing great music, that same music has sort of
matched the speed of my life and painted some of the same pictures of
my struggle to be who I am made to be. The documentary ends with some
live footage of the song "Learning to Fly" and the chorus if you don't
already know has the line "I'm learning to fly but I ain't got wings,
Comin down is the hardest thing." Is there a greater anthem for life
than this? I certainly haven't experienced one!

I don't want to give off the impression that there is no other good
form of authentic music, but merely am just recalling some of my memories and emotions that surround me. There is so much here that I could go on for hours, but that stuff would probably be best left for another time. Long live rock and roll!

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You must see this movie!

I don't claim to be the best movie reviewer and will never argue with one who says they are for numerous reasons, but this movie has been overlooked by many and is a must see in my opinion. Even though many of those professional movie reviewers, who supposedly know what they are talking about, did not give this movie very high regards, they clearly missed the whole point of what the movie was trying to communicate! If you have any depth to your soul at all, and have any sense of pain and suffering then you will love this movie. Adam Sandler plays a great character of a 9/11 widower and captivates you in his heart-ache as he struggles to move on from the loss of his family. I couldn't believe I was watching the same guy who constructed the brilliance of Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore, but clearly the cast of this movie got it right! Wow...just Wow! Go rent it or buy it today cause it would make a great addition to any collection!

New Lens!

Here are a couple shots I took this morning with my new lens! I love it! Not to mention it helps when you have such great subject matter to photograph. Enjoy!

Riley's 1st birthday!

My son just turned one last week! Isn't he just beautiful!

Go MUTE MATH!

So I was surfing the web listening to John Mayer's newest single when I came across one of his blog entries from this summer and I will quote it here!

"I just listened to the album that will take me through the rest of the year... New songs to remind me of the things that are taking place right now...
My mouth is agape while I listen. (Easy, Perez...) I saw them make the Letterman appearance of the year a few nights ago and had to download. So do you.

This guy is a melody champ. Don't let the images and soundscapes fool you. This guy is all John Waite and I love it.

If you're unsure, check out Typical, Chaos and You Are Mine..."

How cool is that! I love MUTE MATH and so should you!

Long live Chuck Norris

Ok so I have to give some credit to my buddy Zach for seeing this first but it is far too great to not post on my blog as well! YOU HAVE TO CHECK THIS OUT!!! If you don't laugh at any point then you need some help! (Thats spoken in love of course :) )

Home again!!

So I know I talk about coming home a lot but there is nothing like coming home to people who love you and children who see no wrong in you! My kids are growing like weeds and every time I come home they have changed so much! It's crazy!

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Amazing!!!

I am exhausted and in desperate need of a shower but am really still excited about my first show with John Legend and the band that played beside him. It was amazing! The mixes sounded pretty good and got better through the night; this was actually just the first time we have ran the show start to finish so it was really just a glorified rehearsal but still the best thing happened, no one said anything to me at all about anything really. That sounds really boring and for me honestly frustrating because I would like to know what people thought, but the rest of the crew that knows them say that actually means a good thing because they would definitely left someone know that things aren't good. So all that to say, I guess it would a good show. Other than all that it was just amazing mixing such a great band and mixing John's ear mix was just amazing! Anyways time to take a quick shower and head out of town again...

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I'm so excited!!

Well finally after many hours of editing and hard work, my first official (meaning paying) photo shoot is done! I have completed the final edits and posted the proofs online for all to see! Take a look and tell me what you think! I'm pretty excited and can't wait for more to come! The link is here! Now its time to pack and get ready to head out of town on a tour with John Legend!

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10.11.2007

Here are some shots I took the other day of a gorgeous sunset! Tell me what you think!

You've gotta love this!

Blog Blog Blog...

I have been wondering lately why people blog. I wonder what it is about blogging that entices so many thousands to participate and jump on the bandwagon. This includes myself of course. As you can see no one reads mine so it is of little consequence but I am curious what happens to the people who actually have readers of their blogs. I mean does it change them at all? Does it make them somehow more relevant or right or just something else that is magically missing from my existence. I have had some interesting experiences lately and it has prompted into wonder and confusion of whats going on in the world of blogging. There are a few people out there that I love dearly and their opinions and thoughts matter to me so I sort of keep up with their blogs and comment every now and again to show my support, but honestly just hoping they will return the favor. Funny how that seldom happens. Nevertheless back to my thought. Some of those people that I referred to are listed below but most recently I found a few blogs of some really "COOL" people that I thought I might have a lot in common with and therefore have been especially keeping a keen eye on what they are posting. I have even gone as far as trying to contact them to strike up conversation on topics that they write about but so far no dice on returned communication. One of the bloggers just boasted about having crossed a threshold of having 300,000 hits on their blog. I find that absolutely astonishing! I'm curious as to what that would feel like. You must be somebody special if there are that many people out there in cyberspace checking you out. And yet another blog is firmly planted in the soil that is feeding messages of self righteousness and contempt for anything other than what comes out of the blogger's mouth. All sarcasm aside, I get the media machine and its effect on celebritysm and all that comes with being "Famous" but there exists another world on the internet and its amazing how it shapes the culture around us. I have been fascinated recently by a particular blog and just can't find it in myself to stop reading. I'm not sure what it is exactly or even what "it" is entirely at all, but fascinated probably doesn't even come close to properly describe how I feel. I have posted a link to that blog in a previous entry below and if you're really interested you can scroll down and check it out. But what just blows me away, aside from the facts themselves, is how many people are daily keeping up and even hour by hour keeping up with what has been and is currently being written. Personally I am hooked, drawn into it much like a magnetic field or an addict looking for a fix. And I wonder how that happens. I have written this sentence 10 times and still don't know where to go because I just am still wondering how that happens. It is most likely of no consequence because like most things blogging will come and go but I love studying culture and people around me and love asking questions. I love watching people [people as being plural not necessarily any particular person] and trying to understand what they are doing and why do they do it. Take me for example, a good friend suggested that I start this blog and its been pretty cool so far I definitely think I get more out of it then anyone else possibly could. That would have to be true because I don't write for anyone else and I certainly don't receive feedback that would entice me to do anything different than what I am currently doing. So I suppose that pretty much makes sense but still we come back to the guy that has 300,000 visitors. Of course I know that there are bloggers out there that receive far more hits but this one just stands out to me. So on the off chance that someone reads this, can you offer some opinion, some wisdom that is beyond my intellect that would close this loop for me and allow me to move on? Please anyone?

Home finally

I finally got home yesterday morning after a long 3 weeks of shows. Its good to be home. It was great to walk in and smell all the familiar smells and sit on my favorite bed and just be around familiarity. Its hard to come and go as I do. Its not normal and sometimes the adjustments are harder than others. Pray for me and my family as we trek back towards intimacy.

At the moment...

At the moment I'm in tears. I'm experiencing a flood of emotions ranging between awe and sorrow and forgiveness and love. Its difficult to explain, even though I try as often as I can on this blog, but I've been out on the road for quite some time and things have been really rough between my wife and I and so that has just made things even tougher for me just to be away from home. There is always a sort of struggle with the separation that I experience from being away from my wife while I'm working out on the road. My wife is amazing though because she sends me these emails with pictures that she takes of our kids and stuff and it is just beautiful! I have the best kids! They are such treasures! My grandmother used to always tell me that and I don't think I ever really understood her because I don't think you can really understand something like that until you become a parent for yourself. So anyways she sends me a couple of emails with these great pictures of my kids and it just makes me cry because I've missed them dearly. There is so much joy and love of life in their expressions, that its just wonderful to look at. For me, I see so much change in them and so much growth in my son but feel so much sorrow for having to work like this in order to provide for them. But then at the same time I feel so much grace and forgiveness for my selfishness. There are certain moments when I feel like I am enabled by God's grace to see my sin and its really difficult sometimes to deal with but I am able to see more and more how incredibly selfish I can be in all sorts of various ways. Being blessed with such beautiful kids, I really do have great looking kids by the way, its amazing because they certainly didn't get any of those traits from me, makes me feel so much grace to think that God would entrust such beautiful gifts to someone like me! But anyways as I sit in room 1502 at the Windsor Suites, which I really don't enjoy by the way, thats whats going on. We would say in Samson Society Thanks I'm Josh! So I guess thats it for now.

Thanks I'm Josh!

my office

I can't really pull my head out of my earlier post which if you haven't taken a look at then you're simply missing out on a huge part of the life around you and how we are all connected and meant for connection! Anyways I wanted to show everyone a bit of what my life has looked like for the past few weeks and really what it just about always looks like! So here you go...

Here is where I stand for hours on end... :)

And now my lovely slow old faithful...

Of course you have to have the refreshing VW!

Just some ole techy stuff...

backwards and cool at the same time...Black Thought in the house

No title will do this justice

I have been on the road now for some time and miss my family desperately. None of that feels very important because I need you to take a look at another blog and read all of it. This is one of the most incredible journeys I have ever heard about and my heart is broken for their struggle right now. The link is here. I could go on and try to summarize a little of what is going on but I would not bring any justice to the story so please please please go read this and be moved!

Tender Moments...

Yesterday I had probably the most tender moments I have ever experienced with my kids. My son Riley has been really sick lately, causing many sleepless nights and exhausting afternoons. He is scheduled to receive tubes in his ears this next week due to having so many ear infections this year and on top of that he has about 5 teeth coming in all at the same time so you can only imagine how miserable he feels most of the time. Most of the time he never lets me really hold him, he justs wants to play or be held by his mom, but yesterday afternoon Mary was out running some errands and I was at home watching him. He was being pretty fussy and then all of the sudden he just crawled up onto my lap and layed down and fell asleep on my chest. It was wonderful! He just layed there for about an hour while I held him and comforted him a bit. It was great to just experience his receiving comfort from me enough to fall asleep and trust that I would take care of him. That was the first tender moment! In order for you to understand the next tender moment you have understand a little of how things have been in my house lately. My wife and I have been having an extremely difficult time as of lately. I could go into much more detail there and usually I try to be as honest as I can be on this blog but lets just say that things have been really tough and anyone who has been married for some time can acknowledge how hard things can get sometimes! So on top of us having such a hard time we also aren't sleeping very well because of my son so you can just imagine how that adds to the tension on our house. I had gone out late last night to get some fresh air to and just escape out of the house for a time, meeting up with a friend to smoke my pipe and talk a bit about how things were going between Mary and I. I came back home shortly after midnight and found my wife still up watching over Riley who sounded horrible and was obviously in a lot of discomfort. I was immediately worried because we have already been through so much with him having RSV last Christmas and spending much of the holidays in the hospital. Mary suggested that she should hold him in the rocking chair and that might help him breathe a little better and possibly the both of them could get some rest that way. So I helped them get comfortable in my daughter's room, where the rocking chair is, and of course she woke up to the noise of us entering her room. I was able though to lay with her in her bed for some time explaining to her how her little brother is really sick and mommy is trying to make him feel better. She seemed concerned and reached out for my hand and layed there next to me holding my hand while she fell back asleep. I was just in awe at how beautiful she is how amazing it is to be a part of her life! I am so blessed to have such beautiful kids and am continueally amazed at how Christ reveals himself through them. That was the greatest tender moment I have ever experienced with my daughter! In the climax of stress and difficult times, God decided to allow me to see him in a different light and it was beautiful!

Bowden Bowl 07

I was watching the end of Florida State vs. Clemson last night formally referred to the Bowden Bowl since it entails father versus son as coaches of the respective teams. Clemson pulled off an upset basically but what caught me by surprise was what Tommy Bowden had to say in an interview immediately following the game. The reporter asked him how it felt to have his dad tell him he did a good job and his mood seemed to shift a bit and he said " It felt good because it doesn't happen very often!" I immediately was taken back by his response and just thought to myself how incredible it is that even between two superstars of coaches like the Bowdens, the same struggle exists that exists within so many of us! Just amazing... Here is a video I found on you tube that might give you a little insight into this fierce rivalry if you're not familiar with it.

More of my little superstar!

Communicating Sucks Sometimes!

I just recently picked this book up and have begun reading it and while I have not finished it yet I'm pretty confident in saying that anyone that actually cares about their marriage, especially improving their marriage should read this! It has put me down a path of trying to understand myself more and why I choose to communicate the way I do sometimes. I would like to say that I am a good communicator and probably to most people I would, but things get tricky with the person that knows me more intimately than anyone else on the planet. Its easy for me to sometimes think back about arguments or fights with my wife and put all the blame on her and say to myself that if only she knew how to communicate better than everything would be ok, but again that gets tricky because there is very little truth being sought through those thoughts and usually they just lead me to darker places. One of the things this book mentions early on is to dive into understanding where your tendencies come from and why different levels of communication happen. I have really begun to understand more clearly why Mary gets so frustrated with me sometimes when I don't respond to her effectively or simple respond with a lack of attention and a one word answer! Its actually funny sometimes because I don't even know that I am doing it but sure enough if I think hard enough, I have to agree and can understand where her frustration comes from. Gary Chapman proposes that much of our communication techniques are learned from our parents and the environment in which we grew up in. That really got my wheels spinning and suddenly it hit me when I began to think about my family and our tendencies with how we communicate. I can't even begin to count the number of times I will call my mom, sometimes with important issues on my mind and sometimes just wanting to say hey, and she will do to me the very same thing that I do to Mary! Funny how that seems to happen over and over again! I love my family to death and they pride themselves on how close they are but I have to be honest and say that we really do not know how to effectively communicate and if we could just simply learn or maybe unlearn some things, I have a feeling that that pride could be justified. Nevertheless I am really encouraged to think that my habits and tendencies can be redeemed no matter how hard it is sometimes to communicate with love and respect! Does that make any sense?

Best Show on Earth!

This past weekend I had one of the greatest experiences of my life so far (at least professionally speaking). We had two shows with Dave Matthews Band at Alpine Valley, which of course were sold out! I have been thinking about it almost non-stop for the past couple of days and am still blown away at what I got to participate in. I am including a video someone posted on You tube so you can hear one of the highlights of the evening. The video quality is really bad but the audio is ok. If you have ever seen DMB perform live before you know a little of how it felt for me to just be there, but for me to be able to mix side by side with their crew and enjoy such an amazing show is beyond description. This was by far the single greatest show I have ever been a part of and one of the greatest performances by both groups I have ever seen! Watch the video below and you can hear some of the colaboration between DMB and The Roots!

Special Guest: Molly Collins!

This is a special message from my daughter to her Nonnie! Hope you enjoy!

You want to be a rockstar?

I just saw this new video from Nickelback called "Rockstar." Check it out, there are some great subconcious references to characters in the media, not to mention what the entire song is about anyways! Take a look.

Continuation...

Earlier I posted something about how I really have come to believe you can't call yourself an adult until you have really looked back through your life and examined how you were brought up and come to grips with the many ways your parents failed you. That might sound kind of harsh and I in no way mean to insinuate that I have had horrible parents or that you should believe you had horrible parents so let me clarify a bit. Every child comes into this world protected to some degree by their parents. Now hopefully this protection lasts for many years and provides a lot of nurturing and love. We can look out at our society today and realize the success and failure of that protection quite easily. Nevertheless, we come into this world having nothing, incapable of performing anything and offering nothing of value except loud distinct cries and several dirty diapers here and there. As we grow up we are taught right from wrong, and instilled with the values that our parents deem worthy of our knowledge and attention. Whether you want to admit it or not that process is no where near perfection and is in fact quite the opposite. So there naturally has to come a point when everyone single one of us begins to realize who and what we are and why we are hear on this planet. For some of us that launches us to amazing heights while others sink to unimaginable depths. I for quite some time have shifted back and forth. Lately I have really been struggling with the idea of what my parents would call being a good Christian. I grew up in a Christian home, attending church every day the doors were open practically, and spent every summer at youth camps and mission trips. Being a "Christian," I was taught, looked and smelled and sounded like a certain children's fairy tale. I have awoken over the past several years to realize that in fact none of this is true. The walls of my perspective, given to me largely by my parents, have continued to stretch and stretch over the years, and this stretching has produced enormous amounts of pain and frustration along with seasons of tremendous joy! I love my parents with all of my heart as I'm sure most of you do as well, but now that I am a parent myself, I realize that all I can is my best and no matter how hard I try, I will fail over and over again! The same can be said of all of our parents and at some point we have to walk back through the pages of our memory and process those times in order for us to really become who we are meant to be. I firmly believe that our society will continue to reject the church as long as it is filled with people who blindly follow hollow leadership and refuse to test the things that are taught to us from very early ages. For me, this journey has been a hard one producing rough callouses and lots of aches and pains, but the beautiful thing I believe about it all is that the whole picture from cover to cover is a story of redemption, forgiveness, and love.

Sex God

I just finished a book called "Sex God," by Rob Bell. This is a must read for anyone period. It has some amazing observations about spirituality and sex and the connection between how we are created and the One we are created from! You must go read this book!

America's addiction to Pornography

A friend of mine sent this email that had this link to an article that Naomi Wolf has written about pornography and is featured in New York magazine. You can check it out here. It really is an amazing piece!

Lollapalooza 2007

I just got home this morning from Chicago, where Lollapalooza was taking place. The Roots had a late afternoon set time so I was there a little early setting up and making sure things would go smoothly for our show. I was lucky enough by chance to see the first act on our stage perform. I in no way was prepared for what I experienced! The group was called " I'm from Barcelona," and they were by far the most incredible band/group/circus/choir/entertainment I have seen in several YEARS!!! I can only do my best to describe to you what I saw and I'm sure I will not do them much justice, but trust me on this one, I still to this very hour am amazed at what I witnessed! When they first ran onto the stage I didn't quite know what was going on and thought maybe some fans had actually rushed the stage cause there were what seemed like at least 30 people running around. The only thing I could compare their entrance onto the stage to is something similar to the greatest pop bands fourth and final encore. I mean every single one of the 29 members attacked the stage and began to engage the crowd as if they had already been playing for 45 minutes. The leader and front man was an extremely awkward looking individual carrying an inflatable pool raft. He said a few words about how excited they all were to be there because their flight had been canceled and so aparently they had just barely made their show time. Then they began their first song titled "Tree House," and everyone was dancing around on stage doing hand motions to an incredibly catchy chorus. Now you have to understand, at first glance I thought these guys are a joke, but then after seeing how the audience was reacting to them and hearing how simple but hooky the song was, I started to pay more attention. Then at the climax of the song the front man jumped out into the audience and began crowd surfing with the raft he had brought out onto the stage. And so I was hooked! The rest of their set was amazing with no lapse of energy or any hint of slowing down they turned heads and managed one of the biggest audiences of the day as an opening act! It was shear genius. The simplicity and catchiness of their songs made it so that every person in earshot of the stage was sining along, including myself! You have to check some of these guys' videos out on youtube. Make sure you go and support this amazing group from Sweden!

New Flickr page!

Hey everyone go check out my new Flickr page! The address is: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sixstepsmedia/. Leave some comments on what I've been doing lately if you have time!

Home Sweet Home

Finally after a month on the road in Europe I flew back to Nashville yesterday afternoon! I never thought coming home to the chaos of my kids and small apartment would feel so good. The look on my kids faces was remarkable! It is so crazy how your perspective can change about life and the things around you when you have to be away from it for an extended period of time. The way your house smells, the way your laundry detergent smells, the comfort of your own bed and couch, all of those things have been made anew and the frustration I had with them before are a distant memory. I must admit though that I never thought i would feel the way I did when I finally came home. I felt as though I was a stranger, just passing through receiving the hospitality of some generous believers. A month is a long time, and there have been a lot of stresses and fractures that naturally and normally happen to a relationship after that period of time. It felt like a ton of bricks, when I began to process all of these emotions and really think about how I was feeling. Nevertheless, I am grateful that I have a loving family and faithful wife that loves me no matter what! What a blessing!

NICE!!!

I mean come on...does it get any better than this??

London

Beautiful Summerset House in London! One of the funnest shows on the tour by far!! Gorgeous sunset but you can't really tell very well.

Another outside the Rotterdam hotel window.

Mary

Stuttgart, Germany Green Room

Midi

Rotterdam

Rotterdam

Bear with me...

I don't understand why I should have to ask for ice, and ketchup, and more than one napkin....and in some cases PAY for it! The fast food run has been frustrating in deed...I know...I know...I know...stupid North American over eater!

Air Conditioning

I know already before I begin writing how this post will sound in many ears and all that I ask is a little patience and understanding. Mostly I am venting and just need an ear to listen because I know my faults and short cummings already, so I don't need anyone to really recite to me how wrong my snobbish perspective is. Nevertheless, air conditioning must be the single greatest invention aside from electricity itself of course. I have been on tour all through out Europe for the past month and in just about every hotel room I've stayed in there has been no air conditioning. Some evenings that hasn't presented a problem because of the cool air no doubt but on many evenings in countries where daylight is like 20 hours a day, having no air conditioning can be a miserable experience. This morning was one of those days. We arrived in Brighton this morning and after having to wait a couple of hours for our rooms, I walked into what seemed to be an inexplicable sauna as a hotel room. Now I am exaggerating slightly but seriously the hallway felt wonderful cool and then I opened my door and was blasted with hot stale air. Already exhausted from a long nights drive and border crossing and ferry ride, I was desperately needing some sleep but of course could not because it was so hot! Finally, after a couple hours of waiting and waiting, the guest relations manager brought up a portable air conditioner and the whole situation was resolved. There is my happy little story for all to enjoy! I know as an American, I live basically in Disney Land. I mean to the rest of the world, the United States can basically be summed us as Disney Land. I can get whatever I want when I want, and there is reasonably nothing that inhibits me in any way. This is a joke to the rest of the world and I have had the opportunity to really see that this past month. I will post more on this later but right now, I am still a bit amazed that with temperatures on the incline every year there are so many places with out a/c! Why doesn't Bono fight for that now!

Cola in Hungary

Paris

Don't judge by the photo because it was a quick snap shot and I didn't have my tripod with me. Nevertheless the view was amazing! Paris is beautiful at night. I have had a horrific experience traveling thus far but hopefully the rough road is over and smooth shows will follow. More to come...

Discipline

I have been having a challenging debate in my own head over the last few days about disciplining my children and whether or not I am using the correct tools to discipline. There is no doubt in my mind that discipline is more about love than it is about behavior modification, at least it should be. The only problem I have encountered is that it is far to easy to allow myself to be just an authoritarian in my parenting and not actually invest in knowing my kids individually and meeting their individual needs. The pendulum has shifted so far in our generation that it is now taboo to discipline your kids. Their is a whole generation of parents refusing to take responsibility for their kids actions and thus resulting in these kids who roam with no respect for anything and anyone, never mind any form of authority. One natural thing for my life has been to really examine hard the decisions and actions of my parents and whether or not I agree with any of them. I do not believe you have reached adulthood until you have done this. Until you can look back at your childhood and deal with the hurt and pain caused by your parents then you really aren't ready to face life and deal with the hurts and pains that it confronts you with. No parent is perfect and I certainly will never be, but the desire of my heart is to teach my kids and bring them up in a loving home where beyond everything they will know that they are loved. My heart has been convicted a lot over the few days as I have really asked for wisdom in how Mary and I discipline and whether or not we are in fact being wise when we choose to discipline. Breaking out of the mold of my preconceived expectations has been difficult and presents me daily with a choice that there is no doubt in my mind I need help with. That is why when my son was baptized last weekend, Scotty my pastor, called the whole church to walk beside us because it indeed takes many to instruct and bring up a child in the way that right. I need this more now than ever.

Pirates or Braveheart?

Ok so at least one of tasks got checked off this afternoon! I finally got to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean. I thought it was great until I started to notice it dragging on and on. Wow what a long movie! Of course the special effects and animation were incredible and at least most of the script was above par. Oh wait wait I especially loved the part when William Wallace was standing there monologuing and then threw his sword and cried "FREEDOM!!!" Wait, oh yes, that was another movie. I remember now. Why is it that all movies with an intense battle scene must have a passionate plea to all the cowards standing with the proverbial hero? I don't get it but anyways I would definitely recommend seeing the movie but only if you can go to a matinée cause anything above eight dollars is way to much to pay for this flick!

Window or Aisle?

Can I just tell you how much I hate flying! I fly a lot which certainly doesn't help my frustration. I always try to get a window seat but in certain situations I don't mind an aisle seat. I do however mind the horrid middle seat! Even in the exit rows this seat just screams for you to be uncomfortable. Tonight I am flying home finally and I haven't had a shower all day and had a very hot show this afternoon in a non air conditioned gym. So you can imagine how much nicer it must feel for me. But at least soon I will be with my family again! I miss them tons!

Coming Soon!

Keep your eyes out for a post that I have been working on for a while now. Although it is turning out to be less of a blog and more of a dissertation but nevertheless, I hope it will be enjoyed. I will post it soon!

Learning to Give

I've been reading a book called "Blue like Jazz" by Donald Miller for the past few weeks. I have read all of his other books and for some reason just hadn't read this one yet so I decided to dive in on it at the end of last month. Just the other day I read something that really impacted me and got me to thinking again. Donald was recounting a story about a friend of his who firmly believes that being a Christian has little to do with what you believe and more to do with what you actually live out and do. So if you say you are a Christian but no one could tell by your actions then you aren't really a Christian. That hit me kind of hard.
Yesterday I was walking around Washington D.C. and came across numerous homeless people and my spirit was really uneasy about it. One gentleman in particular asked me if I had any spare change and I told him without pause that I didn't and walked on my merry way. Almost immediately afterward I thought to myself, " Now why did you do that, you have some cash you could have given him." So I decided and asked God to let me see him again after I came out of the store I was headed into. Once I came out I was thankful to see him sitting on the corner and stopped to talk for a few moments. I still didn't have any change but I gave him three dollars instead. He was grateful and said God bless you and I responded by saying no bless you brother! His smile was all I needed to see. It was amazing afterward to think about why I don't do that more often. Why I shun so many of these people out of my ability to give grace. What is it that has made me so hard to this part of the Gospel? I don't completely know the answers to those and many other questions but I do know that I was grateful that I could hear the spirit tell me to go back and give that man some money! Not that my feelings are the only reason I do things for but I felt God bless me with joy and peace from that little exchange. I was grateful!

Progress through Pain

On a much heavier note than my previous post, I have been chewing on this topic for quite some time now as you can see from my last post that was exactly a month ago to the date. I recently listened to a sermon by Marc Driscoll, formally of Mars Hill Church in Seattle, entitled Progress through Pain, that has really left me processing this idea in my life. I have always battled the thought of why everything in my life has been so gut wrenchingly difficult. Even as a teen and college student I processed ideas of why my path and my journey led me down dark corridors that left me scarred and broken. Every battle and every fight left me more and more disturbed and looking at those around me wondering why life didn't seem any more difficult for them as well. One of the greatest compliments I ever received was from someone who said that they were inspired by how I always battled and fought for my faith and struggled to be who I was and who I was becoming. That put me in tears because before then I hadn't really been able to put my finger on what exactly I had been feeling inside for so long and after that comment a light seemed to go off in my head. In Mark's message he spoke about Nehemiah rebuilding the temple and all the opposition he received in the progress. He went as far as describing in great detail how even people who typically oppose one another will join forces whenever we're doing something great that they do not agree with. This makes perfect sense that there is a very real opposition to the good work of the Gospel in our lives and explains my battle scars through out the years. I am left at the end of these streams of consciousness encouraged to think that surely scripture is true when God says He has begun a great work in me and is faithful to complete it! If these things are true, then I have indeed been set upon a path that is being guided and directed by my Savior! My only prayer is that the words of James rings true in my life and that I can in fact persevere through these pains to come out on the other side redeemed and perfected by the Perfecter of my faith!

Way to go Lefty!!

I love watching golf and Phil Mickelson is by far my favorite golfer! He seems like a genuine gentleman and a man of character and integrity. He won The Players Championship this weekend by a commanding 2 strokes (-11) over Sergio Garcia, who played an outstanding final round of 66. This was just his 31st career win sitting solidly in second place in career wins amongst active players behind Tiger Woods (57) and ahead of Vijay Singh (30). I love that he always posses poise and honor in his victories and always gives credit to the other players especially the player he was paired with. Way to go Phil! Congrats!

Check these out!

I have had a passion for photography for quite some time. As long as I can remember I have always loved taking pictures and capturing the world around me in new and creative ways. I recently dived back into my passion with the purchase of a new digital camera. Photography has kind of been put on the back burner since getting married nearly four years ago, so having the ability to continue that passion has been pretty awesome the last few weeks. These are a couple of photos I have taken recently. I love taking pictures of my daughter, she loves the camera!

Daddy

This is what I saw when I stepped out of the airport outside of baggage claim. I almost started to cry. What an amazing site to see! My beautiful wife knowing what would warm my heart; seeing Molly and Riley there waiting for me! I had missed them so much and though I was able to talk to them over the phone in the limited way a child can talk, my heart still longed to hold and kiss them over and over again. Its an amazing thing that happens to your heart when you become a parent. Suddenly its like a key unlocks some mysterious passage way in your heart to a more sensitive and emotional part of yourself. On one hand its a perilous road and on the other hand its is entirely the way we were created to live. Being gone for so long away from my family was extremely difficult. It made me question a lot of things about my profession and my goals. I have seen so many before me in my profession who for 20 years or so experience great success but then they awaken to find their family in shambles and their kids are off to college having no idea who their father is. I am vowing for this not to happen to me and more importantly I want to be committed to being present in my family's life. These past several weeks I missed my son rolling over for the first time. My wife mentioned it to me over the phone and my heart fell like a ton of bricks. I know he will roll over several thousand more times and I will see most of them but for some reason missing the first brought about a great fear in me. So when the moment came that I walked out to the car where my family was waiting, my emotions ran high and my heart was filled with joy! There was no greater satisfaction than to know their love in that moment. The funny thing that I forget so frequently is that as large as my love is for my kids it doesn't even come close to the love my Heavenly Father has for me! Words sometimes can not even come close to express that kind of love and in fact foolishness often times surfaces when I try to understand how Christ can love me that much. I guess thats the beauty of the Gospel!

Like a child

Ever since the birth of my kids, I have had some special new sense to the world around me and the interaction of kids in that world. One of the things that has especially be breaking my heart is how many times I have witnessed parents over correcting and yelling at their kids because of a mistake or accident that they have made. Over and over I see this and immediately feel all sorts of discomfort and can see the fear and anxiety all over the children's faces. Honestly, this puts me in a rough spot because I almost want to go over and save that kid from the wrath of his or her parents and let them know that it is ok and that they are still loved and cherished. These situations have consistently reminded me of how Christ loves me and how in complete disregard to what I do and to my mistakes, He continues to bend over and pick me back up and affirm in me that I am loved and cherished. This beautiful picture brings me to tears to think about how intimately and compassionately Christ loves me. I know that with my kids, I want them to feel loved so much more than anything else. I want them to experience grace from me first and foremost and the last thing I want to do is demolish their spirits by over disciplining and over correcting for the smallest of mistakes or accidents. It is such a good thing to know that every time i mess up my Father is their to pick me up and dust off my shoulders and tell me that He still loves me and still is passionately pursuing me, celebrating with me when I am victorious.

Perspective

I was reading in Romans 7 this morning about perspective and how when we get so involved with our “self” and see nothing and think of nothing but our “self” we loose perspective and loose the life itself that God desires to give to us. It reminded me of watching this program on tv last week about Oprah and her new academy that she opened up in South Africa. I couldn’t help but think about what it takes for someone to desire to create something so selfless with a true desire to solely help others. There may be a lot of things that I can say I disagree with Oprah on but its hard to do anything other than applaud and join in the support of what she is doing in South Africa for neglected and underprivileged young girls. As I was watching this program, I was tremendously impacted by the stories of the young girls and how bright and well spoken they all were. None of them were saying poor poor me, but rather all wanted to be something greater and make a difference to rescue their families from their poverty. What incredible perspective for a young child to have. So as I was reading this morning I thought about how thirsty I am to live the life that God desires me to live and experience, and how sometimes the day to day grind of working and other stresses blind us to world around us. Paul continues to say that sin eventually perverted the law and caused the Christians that were trying to follow the law so closely were being tripped up with out even really knowing it. He goes on to say that no matter how hard he tried he still ended up doing things he didn’t want to do and learned that he couldn’t trust himself because of how sin dresses itself up to look like something good and that’s in fact why we all need to trust Christ so much. Christ gives us vision and perspective to see things around us and wake us up from just looking in the mirror. After reading this I felt like I had just woken up from a nap or something and was just thankful for the smallest of things in my life like my daughter being able to go to the big girl potty now. I think having a desire to gain perspective through Christ allows us to see others around us and allows us to love, which is entirely what the Gospel is about. There is no greater example of the Gospel than when Jesus walked past the Pharisees and sat and ate with the prostitutes and thieves and beggars. This is exactly what He does with us today! How incredible is it to know that if Jesus were alive today in our day in age He would choose to be our friend and choose to sit and hang with us! That imagery is fruit and breeds life that can give us perspective to just love the same way.

Truth vs. Opinion

Proverbs 18:2 "A fool does not find joy in understanding but only in expressing his own opinion." This verse was the topic of a small group that i attend on Sunday mornings. I found it to be extremely thought provoking and disheartening. We discussed the issue of whether or not we live and speak out of the truth of the gospel or do we live and speak solely out of our opinions. I think if i were to be completely honest, which is my goal with this blog, i live and speak often out of the overabundance of my opinions and not out of the saturation of the truth of the gospel. This discussion made me think about all the wrestling i do with my faith and all the wisdom i seek from others and whether or not i am receiving opinions or am i receiving truth. Its quite a perplexing thought. I firmly believe that God speaks through others that speak into my life, but how does that fit in with the idea that this proverb brings into light? I also believe that Christ is constantly shaping and molding my heart. So what do i do with my opinions in that context? If someone asks me what my opinion is about abortion and i answer them honestly based upon the truth of the Gospel, does that make me a foolish man or wise man? Where is the balance and what happens that makes that issue truth versus opinion? I also think that if i were to take this issue to far it could very well lead me to become arrogant in thinking that what my brother says to me is his opinion and therefore i can dismiss it. That seems just as foolish. I by no means feel like i completely understand this verse nor how to apply it in my life, but rather would invite some other opinions about it, no pun intended.

Sonship/The Prodigal Son

The last few days i have been thinking about why the story of the prodigal son bothers me so much. Maybe bother is not the best word to use but more like affects me is what i truly mean. I was working a show the other day where an artist was performing one of his songs that has been cut lately about a soldier who joined the army and was coming home after the war. It really put in me a place thinking about how my Heavenly Father views me and thinks of me coming back to him after i take a momentary respite away from the good things he has provided me. I have battled and processed this issue in my life for quite a few years now and don't think i am any closer to the other side. I never had a strong father figure in life, although my step father did the best i believe he knew how. Still to this day i have no contact with my biological father and now that i have two children of my own, i have no idea what would produce in a man the desire to never contact his kids ever again. So you can only imagine that the fatherly imagery in the scriptures do not connect with me very well. All the images and impressions of fathers i have are fairly poor. In spite of all of that, i know in my heart that i have one true perfect father who is everything my heart longs for and more. The only problem i have is that i rarely connect that with my feelings and emotions on a day to day basis. The majority of the time i see other people out there with more success and with things seemingly falling in their lap and notice that they had healthier family environments with fathers who were present and didn't abandon them. I can't help but be bothered by that. I've always heard that the grass seems greener on the other side and i know its easy to look at someone else and think they have it better than you, but isn't there also some societal truth to the issue of growing up with a father ever present in one's life teaching and instructing and loving? Nevertheless my passion to redirect my family's history of abandonment burns with an inextinguishable fire. That being said, often i find myself lonely wondering if i had a present father in my life would i have turned out differently? Would i have rebelled as much, would i have be struggling so much, would i be more responsible? These questions ping through my head with no result other than keeping me up late at night. I love my family more than anything but still somehow i feel handicapped in this race. The birth of my son has brought a lot of emotions and thoughts of redemption into my life, and i just pray that i can overcome my fears and weaknesses to father him as best i know how. I pray that my focus could shift from being the son in the story to being the father and learning to love unconditionally!

Lies...

A good friend of mine, Mark, mentioned to me tonight that i have been lied to. It hit me like a ton of bricks. All of the sudden a well spring of emotions came forth and i couldn't control the tears that wanted to flow. Ever since i was a kid i can remember believing with my whole heart that i was special. Not just the kind of special like you look at a cute kid in sunday school and say, "ahhh, how cute is he, that boy is special," but the kind of special like i am on this planet for a very specific and unique reason. A purpose as crucial as the Beatles were to music and Bill Clinton was to the integrity of the presidency, but in a healthy beneficial kind of way. I never had a desire to be a fireman or police officer or doctor for that matter and you could ask me all you want what i wanted to be and i would respond by saying that God had a purpose for me and whatever that was, thats what i wanted. 15 years, 2 kids, and quite a few jobs later i've long since lost touch with purpose. That kid seems so completely lost now. So far gone are the days where i feel special, unique and put on earth for something other than the mundane purpose of paying my rent and electric bills every month. Hence when Mark mentioned that i had been lied to, i was impacted so greatly. Part of me relives those thoughts and emotions and wants to grab a hold of those same passions and gallop onto the scene to conquer some imaginary battle of success, but then creeps in a part that says i can't because it wouldn't matter. There in lies my problem, one of many actually, but the one for which produces this blog. I can't describe this feeling any better or with any more clarity than to just say that there is a deep burning passion in me to make a difference, to call out authenticity and genuine life in others who are drowning in mediocrity. I grew up not knowing what that meant but knew that there was something that i was missing. Something deep inside me was hurt by those who called themselves my friends, but who were never honest with me and for whom i could never truly be honest with. I just buried my pain and hid my emotions and allowed them come out in other destructive and rebellious ways. So now i am left with the realities that scream at me to provide for and protect my family at all costs. Those costs i suppose are my passions and secret desires. Although i love what i do and love the profession that i am in, i still long for more. I still find myself late at night lying in bed dreaming about impacting people whether it be on a stage behind a guitar or in a room filled with high schoolers or college kids, struggling to figure out who it is staring back at them in the mirror. I feel like my journey and my story has power and holds truths that had i known or been taught when i was younger, i could have avoided so much pain and injury to myself and others. That feeling eats at me on some occasions, and others it just says," well that would be nice wouldn't it." This lie brings out a battle of faith and a battle of trust that God really does love me and really does have a plan for me, but the chasm of what i know to be true and what i FEEL is so wide. I don't know where that leaves me or where i go from here, but i do feel like i am at some sort of fork in the road. If this is one lie i have suffered through it makes me wonder how many more lies and how much more of this life Christ died for me to live has been taken away...