In Jamaica

Ok so I have put off thoughts of writing for a while now so here is where I am right now. I love my family! My heart hurts to see their pictures cause I miss them so much. I am enjoying the technology of web chats and just am in a bit of a shock at the realizations of how selfish I am. I read a great book a long time ago that really sticks out to me right now. It was called The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason. I take so much of my family for granted so much of the time. I am really broken right now. I feel like I have been gaining a lot of weight because I have been eating so much and I am just really struggling with some self image issues. Above all, it is wierd cause I am in a beautiful place like Jamaica and wishing my wife was with me right now. I should have made it a priority for that to happen. I am truly blessed. My family are the jewels of my life and I covet their closeness! Thats all I really have right now.

Thankful.

I was sitting in church this morning and was just extremely thankful that I attend a church that is so terribly flawed. I found myself at first getting frustrated at the flaws I was encountering but then when my pastor came up and began teaching I was enraptured by the Grace and truth of the Gospel that I was a party too. I think most of what I began to think as a response to what I was feeling was how I am exactly like the church that I attend. I too am desperately flawed and need God's grace. Then I just began to fall in love with the fact that I go to a church that is so desperately flawed but at the same time continues to teach the Gospel and offer truth to everyone who walks through the doors. I am thankful!

Are you brave?

I connected something last night that I have been thinking about and wanted to share. I am a member of the Samson Society, and while to many that means nothing, to others it means that we collectively can bypass the insane b.s. that exists around us and cut straight to the heart of living authentically and honestly. There is a safety in relationship that is rarely found outside the Samson Society, but inside, we know that we are truly loved and accepted, and therefore have the freedom to live in true community with one another. My point is that once you've been exposed to that safety, and authentic relationship you're spoiled because it does not exist naturally and with out intent anywhere else. I came to understand last night that the church talks and shares with one another out of what we've been deceived into thinking we've been delivered from, but my Samson brothers talk and share out of where we are and what we're struggling with in our daily lives sometimes even moment by moment.
I grew up in the culture of the Southern Baptist Church and was in church every Sunday and most Wednesdays. I can recount tons of testimonies and sermons where speakers and pastors gave declaration of what they've been delivered from, somehow insinuating that the deliverance has perfected them or rendered their demons powerless over them anymore. All the while more and more preachers and speakers have been falling publicly to sexual and financial sins. Its heartbreaking to watch. For me I guess I fell victim to the trap that those testimonies create. If there is a moment when you've been delivered from something and speak of struggles in the past tense then what happens when you continue to fight the same fights and continue to battle the same demons? What does that say about you? I believe the enemy loves this. In fact, I think its one of his greatest weapons! I believe something to this effect has kept men living in fear and isolation for a long time. Hiding and cowering in the corners of our lives and communities, all the while missing out on the truth of the Gospel, that God is always and constantly redeeming us and delivering us from our flesh.
I don't want this to come as a surprise to anyone, but the media and culture want to deceive us to think that only the few that make the headlines are the ones who are addicted to alcohol, and sex, and pornography, and embezzlement. The reality my friends is that this could not be farther from the truth. There are far more of us that struggle with these demons than anyone realizes. In fact many of the teachers and preachers that shepherd us in the church today are forced to secretly struggle because they have no where else to go or no one else to turn to because of fear. I have posted in the past how I think if we were to all take down our masks and live in authentic community with one another, we would be surprised as to what we discover about those we see and shake hands with every day. The beauty of that though is it would free us to experience how in fact Christ sees us, and loves us. Then and only then would we be able to see others as He commands us to. Then and only then would we be able to love others as He commands us to. A good friend of mine recently told me that living this way is actually a much better definition of what it means to be brave and I tend to agree. I was challenged then by him and I pass that challenge on to anyone else out there struggling, feeling like they are alone, the only ones dealing with the disgusting consequences of sin. The Truth is out there and it cries FREEDOM! You are not alone, you are a restored son and daughter of the Sovereign Lord, and freedom is yours! Are you brave enough to embrace it? Are you brave?