At the moment...

At the moment I'm in tears. I'm experiencing a flood of emotions ranging between awe and sorrow and forgiveness and love. Its difficult to explain, even though I try as often as I can on this blog, but I've been out on the road for quite some time and things have been really rough between my wife and I and so that has just made things even tougher for me just to be away from home. There is always a sort of struggle with the separation that I experience from being away from my wife while I'm working out on the road. My wife is amazing though because she sends me these emails with pictures that she takes of our kids and stuff and it is just beautiful! I have the best kids! They are such treasures! My grandmother used to always tell me that and I don't think I ever really understood her because I don't think you can really understand something like that until you become a parent for yourself. So anyways she sends me a couple of emails with these great pictures of my kids and it just makes me cry because I've missed them dearly. There is so much joy and love of life in their expressions, that its just wonderful to look at. For me, I see so much change in them and so much growth in my son but feel so much sorrow for having to work like this in order to provide for them. But then at the same time I feel so much grace and forgiveness for my selfishness. There are certain moments when I feel like I am enabled by God's grace to see my sin and its really difficult sometimes to deal with but I am able to see more and more how incredibly selfish I can be in all sorts of various ways. Being blessed with such beautiful kids, I really do have great looking kids by the way, its amazing because they certainly didn't get any of those traits from me, makes me feel so much grace to think that God would entrust such beautiful gifts to someone like me! But anyways as I sit in room 1502 at the Windsor Suites, which I really don't enjoy by the way, thats whats going on. We would say in Samson Society Thanks I'm Josh! So I guess thats it for now.

Thanks I'm Josh!