I just recently picked this book up and have begun reading it and while I have not finished it yet I'm pretty confident in saying that anyone that actually cares about their marriage, especially improving their marriage should read this! It has put me down a path of trying to understand myself more and why I choose to communicate the way I do sometimes. I would like to say that I am a good communicator and probably to most people I would, but things get tricky with the person that knows me more intimately than anyone else on the planet. Its easy for me to sometimes think back about arguments or fights with my wife and put all the blame on her and say to myself that if only she knew how to communicate better than everything would be ok, but again that gets tricky because there is very little truth being sought through those thoughts and usually they just lead me to darker places. One of the things this book mentions early on is to dive into understanding where your tendencies come from and why different levels of communication happen. I have really begun to understand more clearly why Mary gets so frustrated with me sometimes when I don't respond to her effectively or simple respond with a lack of attention and a one word answer! Its actually funny sometimes because I don't even know that I am doing it but sure enough if I think hard enough, I have to agree and can understand where her frustration comes from. Gary Chapman proposes that much of our communication techniques are learned from our parents and the environment in which we grew up in. That really got my wheels spinning and suddenly it hit me when I began to think about my family and our tendencies with how we communicate. I can't even begin to count the number of times I will call my mom, sometimes with important issues on my mind and sometimes just wanting to say hey, and she will do to me the very same thing that I do to Mary! Funny how that seems to happen over and over again! I love my family to death and they pride themselves on how close they are but I have to be honest and say that we really do not know how to effectively communicate and if we could just simply learn or maybe unlearn some things, I have a feeling that that pride could be justified. Nevertheless I am really encouraged to think that my habits and tendencies can be redeemed no matter how hard it is sometimes to communicate with love and respect! Does that make any sense?
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1 comment:
I understand what you are saying. We do have a problem communicating effectively. Part of our problem, I think, is that we do not always listen to each other. I think sometimes we take what the other person says too seriously, instead of understanding that sometimes with the people we are closest to we have a tendency to talk out our thoughts. I know that happens to me with Gary and Mom. Sometimes I am just trying to talk out the issue and they want to jump right in and give me advice, or they take what I am saying as my final word on the situation. I hope that makes sense. I do agree with you that communication is one of the keys to success in marriage.
Josh, I think it is interesting that I am getting to know you better through this blog. It is sad that our communication is as poor as it is. I want to work on that. Please know that I want to be someone you can talk to and someone who will just listen if that is what you need.
I love you. Candy
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