Never Again!!!

Well I pray never again will I ever have to allow my family to suffer through the slavery of living in an apartment again. We finally were able to move out of the hellish apartment we were living in and despite not being able to buy right now we were blessed enough to be able to rent a beautiful home not too far away. What a burden to be lifted off our shoulders. If anyone by chance reads this, please stay away from The Landings of Brentwood in Nashville, Tn. I am not exaggerating when I say that we were experiencing a form of modern day slavery! I don't need to go into any more detail other that, but thank you Lord for our time there and thanks even more for moving us from that place! Here is a shot of our new house with a beautiful Pear tree blooming in front.

Easter

We had a great Easter this year and spent the afternoon at my mother-in-law's house. They have a annual Easter egg hunt and this year was great cause Molly and Riley really enjoyed it! It's so amazing to see them having fun and running and playing! I am so blessed!

New computer yeah!

Well I finally have recieved my new computer and have it up and running! This is a "great success," you see, because I have been waiting for this computer to come in the mail for over 3 months! So lets all join together in one joyous leap of celebration. I love the MAC!

Last night

The last few night since I have come back from Japan have been hard because I have been waking up at like 1:30 in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep for several hours. So last night I just sat there in bed thinking about all sorts of stuff. Those nights are the roughest for me, because I am a thinker and its very hard for me to turn my brain off. I lay there just rambling in my head for hours and struggling to figure out whats going on and why I can't sleep. I few weeks ago I had an amazing oppertunity to catch up with a friend that I love and care about deeply! He and I hung out on a Sunday evening and ended up at a local spot talking over a couple of pints. I love these types of experiences where there is no b.s. and substance of conversation just flows like a great waterfall. That probably doesn't make sense for most people but for me there is no greater joy than being able to exist in community and live out of honesty with brothers. I left that meeting with a lot on my heart and spirit and was greatly encouraged and after last night's sleepless night, I find myself asking my Father to give me a vision for what it would look like if I saw other people as He saw them. What would it look like for me love other people like He loves and for me to love my kids and wife the way He does. I thought about that a lot last night as I lay awake in my bed. Anyways, I am sorry for the lack of continuity this post provides because even now my thoughts are scrambled and it is difficult to really pin myself down.

Houston Rodeo

I still haven't been able to edit these very much because my labtop is too slow but here are some pics from the Houston Rodeo the other night.

Isaac Watts

The Wonderful Cross

When I survey the wondrous cross

On which the Prince of Glory died

My richest gain I count but loss

And pour contempt on all my pride

See from His head, His hands, His feet

Sorrow and love flow mingled down

Did e’er such love and sorrow meet

Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross

Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross

All who gather here by grace draw near and bless Your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine

That were an offering far too small

Love so amazing, so divine

Demands my soul, my life, my all

This is probably my favorite hymn of all time. There is something just so gripping and moving about it ,and when you learn the story of Isaac Watts it somehow validates all of our fears and draws us into reverence.

Beautiful.

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What would it be like?

I continue to be impacted by just how isolated of a world we live in and how much hurt there is around me! It seems like over the past several months I am awakening more and more to those around me that are in obvious pain but desperately hide it with the hopes that they won't be found out! I know this because the person that stares back at me in the mirror most days battles that same thing! Its disgusting! You know the most amazing thing is also happening in my life and that has been that over the past two years through some amazing men, I have realized that I am not alone! In fact we're all not alone! Do you really understand how much freedom there is in that? I mean I can now walk in the light knowing that I am loved and that the Cross covers me with enough grace to make it through the day and that goes for everyone one of my brothers and sisters as well! I no longer have to be afraid of my dark heart or afraid that I will be found out because I know the truth! So I am just wondering what it would be like if we really did live in a world where our dark hearts and the deep deep chasm of that heart were exposed for all to see. What pretenses would exist then? Would we really be able to live in the light then and love one another as we are called to do? I am just thinking how amazing and freeing it could be for men out there to relate to one another knowing that each other really is struggling with the same things and there is no condemnation for it anymore! Maybe this doesn't make sense to some people but it does to me. I hurt for those still in hiding, I hurt for those who are deceived and alone, I hurt for those who don't realize that I'm right there with them and no better or worse, but in fact freedom is there for both of us! Hallelujah! Praise God! Amen! Christ is risen and it is for no other reason than He shed his blood so we can live in the light an no longer in fear of condemnation. I am a restored son of the sovereign Lord, we are restored sons and daughters of the sovereign Lord, and we all can resist the dangers of isolation and live in community! What a picture that would be. I am just wondering what it would be like!

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Stuck!

What a great topic! Is there any better way to describe what I've felt inside for most of my life? I'm not sure. But I will speak honestly about this, right now I am most definitely stuck! I went to church for the first time in a long time this past Sunday and was really grateful for healthy kids because the service was amazing. The sermon was about surveying the Cross and understanding the need for the Cross. You know basically that thing called the Gospel! It was so refreshing to not hear 3 steps to a better marriage but in fact to hear what I need to hear daily, why I need Christ! One of the things that hit most closely to home for me was that I am here, on this planet, taking up the space I do, breathing the air I breathe, for no other reason than to worship and serve my Saviour! What a good reminder! And to be honest that has always come easy for me because I have always, going back to my earliest childhood memories, thought that I wanted to do nothing but be used by God. I never had any desire to be a doctor or lawyer or fireman like most children dream about. Instead I would dream about making a difference for Christ and changing and impacting my world in some great fashion! So there in part lies being stuck, cause how do I do that? What does that look like? What does it involve? I have never heard a sermon teach me that, or give me the keys to a business that would produce that! Nevertheless, I am trying to remain faithful. I am trying to remind myself that on this journey of mine, I am not making a path but simply following one that has already been carved out for me. I just wish I could see a little farther down the road! Thanks, I'm Josh.